Quote Originally Posted by Canadian. View Post
it was a hot summer day and I was in my workout room benching 1200 pounds. My abs were flexing and girls within a 10 mile radius were getting wet. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour workout I called one of the bitches I know, Jessice. She is really damn hot and looks like a supermodel. SO I got into my Lamborghini Gallardo and reved it up to 40,000 RPM (this is an Italian import with special engine system). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 8th gear, I hit about 600 mph and I could hear the sonic boom as I broke the sound barrier. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, Jessica called me and said she wanted me to **** her. So be it.

I came to a full stop from 700 mph in front of her house. These Ferrari’s have top notch brakes, you know. So she gets out of the house and walks up to my Bugatti and starts eyeballing my dick. I could tell she was staring at it because when I looked at her I noticed she was looking at my dick. Booya.

Flash forward 10 minutes later. My 30 inch dick is going inside of her VAGINA, hitting them walls. I’m holding her entire body up with my left pinky as I’m ****ing her and she has 30,000 orgasms. She looks me in the eyes and she says “harder.” celltech just kicked in, yo. I blow my load so hard she falls off my dick. There had to have been about two pints of cum everywhere. People say I cum like a pornstar, I wouldn’t disagree with them.

I throw her a towel so she can clean herself up then I do a triple backflip into my Maserati and drive home.

i think it goes more like this

It was 72 degrees inside and I was in my parents basement hitting level 80 on WoW. My ass was farting and girls within a 10 mile radius did not know that I exist. Once I was done with my daily 32 hour fapping I looked at my ten year old nokia and saw there where no messages, so I fapped to a shopped picture of summer glau in a slave leia costume.. She is really damn hot and looks like a supermodel. I was hungry and Mom was out of pizza rolls SO I got into my 1984 Yugo and reved it up to 50 RPM (this is an yugoslave import with a blown fuel pump). I got onto the freeway near my house and threw it into 2nd gear, I hit about 25 mph and I could hear the engine backfire as I broke the muffler. As I was flooring it on the freeway like a badass, people where flipping me off for going so slow. So be it.

I came to a rolling stop after hitting a garbage can from 25 mph in front of the over 9000-11. These Yugos have don't stop that well, you know. So I get out of the car and everyone starts eyeballing my gut because I'm so fat. I could tell everyone was staring at it because several people vomited in thier mouths. Booya.

Flash forward 10 minutes later. My 30 inch hotdog is covered in chilli and nacho cheese, hitting them walls. I’m holding the whole dOg up with two hands as I’m sucking on my slurpee and I have 30,000 heart attacks. Clerks looks me in the eyes and she says “Fuck not again, I'm not even supposed to be here to day.” Artery plague just kicked in, yo. I crap my pants so hard I really stink up the place. There had to have been about two pints of cheese sauce everywhere. People say I died like a lonely fat ass, I wouldn’t disagree with them.