ok..

1st: What did you actually do ? did you make the c4d? if not then this isnt much just a c4d with some washed out colours. Il come back to this one when you tell me.

2nd: Has no real flow try adding more effects so that it flows a little more, work on your quality aswell. Try make your effects less messy aswell but like i said make sure they flow. Your lighting is ok and your source is somewhat ok .

Overall work n your quality, effects and flow.