Funny Phrases

If you are born ugly blame your parents, if you died ugly blame your doctor.

If there is no god, who pops up the next kleenex?

Jesus saves sinners and redeems them for cash and valuable prizes.

If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you.

Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two it's an amusement park.

People who say you can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.


Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

If Noah had been smart he would have swatted those two flies.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

How come we have to choose from just 2 persons for president, and 50 for Miss America?

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the phone company.

Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

I want to die while asleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car

Looooool

um har har har? i thought this was quoted phrases from this site but never mind

The last phrase was the funniest in my opinion